Have you ever felt as if you are not good enough? Do you sometimes worry that people will find out who you really are, like you are a fraud or a fake, even though you’re doing the job or living the lifestyle?
Well you can take solace in that this is a common trait in people, even in the minds of those who are considered wealthy and successful. This is called Imposter Syndrome. It’s a state of mind that causes a person to doubt themselves, feel inadequate or not good enough even when you have evidence which suggests the contrary. People with Imposter Syndrome may work twice or three times as hard as others as they seek to be the best in order to convince themselves, as well as others, that they are good enough instead of just knowing and accepting that they are good enough. This can cause burn out, sleep deprivation or other stress related symptoms.
Believe it or not many celebrities also suffer from this. In my research I found the following quotes:
I still think people will find out that I’m really not very talented. I’m really not very good. It’s all been a big sham.” – Michelle Pfeifer
“Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this. I’m a fraud.” – Kate Winslet
“Even though I had sold 70 million albums, there I was feeling like “I’m no good at this.”-Jennifer Lopez
Daniel Radcliffe said; “I think the most creative people veer between ambition and anxiety, self-doubt and confidence. I definitely can relate to that. We all go through that: “Am I doing the right thing?” “Is this what I’m meant to be doing?”
So believe me when I say you are not alone.
People who have Imposter Syndrome often need a lot of praise or recognition for what they have done, they ask questions such as ‘Did I do ok?’ or ‘How was that?’ and if you answer and say it was fine, they might start telling you why it wasn’t quite good enough. If this is you, then you need to realise that the best praise comes from yourself. The most important opinion is your opinion and when you praise yourself it means so much more than when other people praise you. That’s because you don’t question your own praise. If you praise yourself, your mind believes it’s true because you have no ulterior motive and this in turn raises your self-esteem.
Living in a world where we believe we are unequal can cause us to hold back as we are busy thinking thoughts such as “Who am I to tell that person what to do” or because we are scared of the possibility of being criticised. A lot of the time those feelings can be because we believe we are less than or unequal to others, but the truth is no human being is less than another human being. It’s just ego and it’s hurtful when our ego gets bruised. When you see yourself as less than another person you project this feeling. This can cause others to see you the same way. The way to counteract these feelings is to know that real authentic confidence comes from knowing who you truly are, pushing the ego aside and allowing yourself to be you. This may seem scary, but in doing so you begin to understand yourself more, you begin to recognise why you are here and what your true purpose is. If you are busy hiding because you are scared of being ‘Found out’ you are missing out on sharing your true unique self with the world. When you are true to yourself, you recognise and increase your levels of self-worth and confidence.
If this is you, here are some ways you can keep on going and overcome those feelings of doubt:
1. Remember that all human beings are equal, when you lessen your importance you can begin to take the focus off yourself and focus on adding value to other peoples’ lives.
2. Praise yourself when you do something good for yourself or someone else, anything really that you would praise another person for. This builds up your self-esteem and cements the fact that you really are a good person with a kind heart doing the things you do in order to inspire others or add value.
3. Take control of your mind. Remember your mind is a tool for you to use as you so wish, train it, make it your best friend. The way you currently think is a habit, but habits can be changed.
4. Remember that getting things wrong or messing up doesn’t mean you are a fake. No one is perfect and those who strive to be often end up becoming pretty miserable because the bar is always raised unrealistically high. Everyone is allowed to make mistakes, we live in a real world and you’re a real person.
5. Be yourself, it is allowed. You will have your flaws but so do others, and that’s what connects us. We like people who are like us, so showing your true un-perfect self can make you even more likeable. Accept yourself for who you are, when you accept yourself you understand at a deeper level that you are enough and as you do this the fear of being rejected begins to fall away from us.
6. When you hold yourself back for fear of outshining others, fear of being criticised or rejected you are possibly robbing the world your unique skills. I truly believe we all have skills that are unique to us and finding and using those skills is what we are put here for. When we use them, we bring joy into the lives of others or solve problems for people.
I have used RTT to help many people to get over these kinds of issues. They are all related to confidence, business success and self-esteem. Pop over to my website www.transformwithpaula.comand you will see how I can help you discover your own blocks, achieve your goals and put an end to playing small and safe.
Much love until next time
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